My Favorite Phone Call I Ever Had With a Scam Artist
On October 16, 2013, I received a phone call at work that was obviously a scam from the word go. However, I was amused throughout the whole exchange, and decided to type up this transcript:
Me: [Company name]?
(A click, and the phone starts ringing on the other end – this is the first sign that this is going to be an automated and/or sales call, but I had a free moment, so I decided to see how this would play out.)
Voice: (with thick accent) Hello?
Me: Hello, [Company name]?
Voice: Hi, I am calling about your Windows computers, we have received many notifications that your Windows computers are experiencing issues—
Me: We don’t use any Windows computers here.
Voice: What kind do you use?
Voice: I’m sorry?
Me: Macs, Macintosh computers.
Voice: How many computers do you have?
Me: … Why do you ask?
Voice: I’m asking how many computers you have.
Me: To what end?
Voice: (annoyed) “To what end?”
Me: Why do you need to know how many computers we have?
Voice: Your computers are going to crash.
Me: Our computers are fine, sir.
Voice: You don’t know that. Are you engineers?
Me: No, we are not engineers.
Voice: Then how can you know your computers are not going to crash?
Me: You didn’t know what kind of computers we have, how could you know are computers are going to crash?
Voice: Just transfer me to your manager, idiot!
Me: (amused) I’m sorry?
Voice: Transfer me to your manager, idiot!
Me: I’m not going to do that.
Voice: Just do it, idiot.
Me: No, I’m not, because you called me an idiot, which is disrespectful, so I’m not going to pass you along.
Voice: You are an idiot!
Me: Well, that’s my problem to deal with, I suppose.
Voice: I run a company—
Me: Well, I don’t believe that’s true, because you called me an idiot over the phone, which is very unprofessional. If you are who you say you are, I do apologize, but you need to work on your sales tactics. If you’re not who you say you are, you still need to work on your sales tactics…
Voice: Don’t you understand, I am the owner of a company—
Me: What is the name of your company? What is it called?
Voice: That is not your business—!
Me: Okay, I’m going to hang up now, you have a good day, sir—
Voice: Okay, okay… I work with your manager, and I am going to call and talk to your manager, and when I tell him about this phone call, it will be big trouble for you!
Me: What is my manager’s name?
Me: You said you work with my manager? What is his name?
Voice: Your boss, the man you work for!
Me: I know who I work for, the burden of proof is on you, sir. Voice: I work with your manager, and I am going to tell him—!
(I hung up.)
Interestingly, no repercussions came from my manager. Weird.